Think of someone who meets two criteria in your world:

  1. S/he matters to you and/or your results.
  2. S/he makes you a a little “nutty” (of a lot nutty).

Remember the last time you got frustrated or angry. That time when you threw your hands up (literally or figuratively). Recall your energy and the quality of your thinking.

In that moment, are you working for or against your Self?

We Create Resistance and Blame the Situation or Person

Before I go any further, I’m not accusing you of anything that I don’t find myself doing. All human beings create their own resistance.

We feel that strong emotion, and we are “hooked.” We are stuck in a loop of unproductive thinking. Of course, that’s not how it seems. We think we are right about what that person should think, say, do…and therefore, justified in our judgment, upset, outrage, or worse. If we weren’t hooked, we could determine what actual reality we are dealing with, such as:

  1. The person’s natural way of operating or thinking (unlike our own).
  2. The person’s strong desire for an outcome (not our own).
  3. A mistake or unconscious set of actions.
  4. An intentional affront to our authority.

Or something else. Of course, the last one is possible, but it’s last on my list since I find it rarely the case.

Our Brain Blocks Productive Thinking

Whether you are considering a colleague or family member, the point this morning is the YOU create the energy of resistance for yourself. The more capable you are in defining the neutral reality of the situation, the faster you can move into productive thinking.

Here’s the next task. The very next time you get hooked by someone, simply notice how well you are currently thinking. In other words, notice that you have stopped real thinking. Then, do nothing until you can let go of the emotion.

Then, step back and work through the situation or person. Below are some past posts that may be helpful.

 Dance With the Big, Bad Partner

Does Curiosity Fuel Your Influencing?

Listening With The Third Ear

Know Your Self and Your Dance Step