As part of my work, I gather feedback from a “360” set of people and then weave the story of strengths and vulnerabilities into a client’s telling of his or her lifeline. It’s a tough part of the work–to get the greatness and the opportunities right.

Few people I coach are actually surprised by much in my discussion of the feedback. A common response I want to highlight here is that:

People often don’t see their own greatness and their remarkable story.

Instead, we are more comfortable focusing on the deficits and the struggle of the day.

It is such a privilege to show people my “lens” on their greatness. I make them take a look. Again, it’s not that there is a huge surprise. 99% of the data isn’t actually mine. But, because they live in their strengths, it seems pretty everyday–even embarrassing.

Take time this week to really notice an aspect of how someone is remarkable in his or her work or life. it takes about 3 seconds if you are looking. Then, about 60 seconds at most to form your thinking. Use this simple framework:

  1. What you see the person doing or saying as a pattern that has a particular outcome. “Jim, I was just thinking about how you really listen to people and then pull together views that incorporate differences, a richness of perspectives–so that the team makes the best decision.”
  2. What you mean by that. “What I mean by really listening is….”
  3. An example. “For instance, today in our 9 o’clock meeting, rather than launching in with your idea, you asked Sarah a question that dug deeper into her thinking…”

Sixty three seconds and one conversations to produce a deep sense of being valued in the other person!