This post is for those of you who:
- Feel offended when someone ignores or disrespects you…
- Get angry when a peer seemingly just doesn’t do what you ask…
- Are annoyed that problems get dropped on your doorstep last minute…
…and you attribute it to something you did or need to do better. You might even obsess over it. Wake up in the middle of the night. Even talk it through many times with people you trust who will listen.
I often hear myself giving you this thought to combat your emotional head and gut:
It’s not about YOU!
What I mean by that is that even when someone seems to be directly sending you a message, it may be much more about that person than you.
- His upset or judgment is based on his standards (yours may be different); he’s unaware of your interest.
- Her lack of delivery (or whatever) is rooted in a historical personal pattern.
- His dependence on you is actually sourced in his performance anxiety.
The bad news about this concept is that you probably did or didn’t do something that contributed. You might even need to make some change in your behavior. But, if you are fueling a negative emotion with more thinking, then I suggest you pose the question:
If it’s not about me, how can I consider what it IS about?
Turning your curiosity “on” is a powerful ability on so many fronts. With curiosity about that person, you can open your ideas about what may be at cause. Then, you can consider your own actions to support some change.